Rollerball: An Overview
by MonkeyTaco
Summary: Ummmm..... a very sinical look at the worst movie ever made, Chris Klein is an idiot!


Disclaimer, if you liked Rollerball, then you are not going to ammoutn to anything when you grow up! I hope you are learning to except that now, because... well.... your probably stupid, anyways.... heres the story, it is in the point of view of that announcer fello. Just to let ya know.... read on  
  
Rollerball: the movie that would start the apocalypse  
  
GOOD EVENING EVERYONE! I AM THAT ANNOYING ANNOUNCER GUY WHO SOUNDS KIND OF LIKE PENN FROM PENN AND TELLER BUT ACT LIKE SOME WWF WANNABE, WELCOME TO ROLLERBALL!!! FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DONT KNOW WHAT ROLLERBALL IS WELL HERE IS HOW IT IS PLAYED...  
  
THE GUY WITH THE BIG METAL BALL GOES UP THE BIG METAL THING AND DOES SOME CRAZY STUFF FOR SOME REASON AND THEN A MOTORCYCLE COMES IN FOR SOME REASON OR ANOTHER AND CRAZY DANGEROUS STUFF HAPPENS AND SOME POINTS GET SCORED SOMEHOW AND THEN THERES MORE STUFF THAT I THINK HAPPENS BUT THE BEST PART IS THE BLOOD THAT COMES OUT OF EVERYONES HEADS BY THE END OF THE GAME, BECAUSE BLOOD IS GOOD FOLKS, BLOOD IS VERY GOOD!  
  
ANYWAYS, WELL I THINK WE ARE READY TO START ROUND ONE... I MEAN THE FIRST QUARTER... OR INNING, UMMMM...... UHHHH...... BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOD WHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!  
  
LLCool J gets cut deeply in the face with a shard of rusted metal, he looses vision in his right eye and stumbles about the rink confused and in shock  
  
WOW, LOOK AT THAT BLACK GUY, HE SURE DOES ROCK! WHOOOOOOO LOOK AT THE BLOOD! I CANT WAIT TO SEE SOME MORE OF IT BECAUSE IT IS SO RED AND COOL AND I CRAVE MORE OF IT BECAUSE I AM SUPPOSED TO BE A SYMBOLIC REPRESENTATION OF SOCIETY AND ITS INTEREST IN ENTERTAINMENT THROUGH PAIN! WHOOOOOOOOOOO BLOOD!!!!  
  
Chris Klein runs to pull LLcoolJ out of the rink but loses his left hand in the process thanks to one of the otehr teams sharp metal ummm.... thingy  
  
HOLY DOODLES! LOOK AT THAT BLOOD! ITS CRAZY! WOW! IS THERE ANYTHING COOLER THAN ROLLERBALL? I THINK THE GOOD GUY TEAM IS WINNING! HURRAY! HOW CAN THIS CRAZY GYMICKY FILM BE ANY "COOLER"?  
  
The screen goes green for some reason, for a long period of time.  
  
OH SWEET JESUS, LOOK AT THE LIGHTS! THEY ARE GREEEEEEN! OH CHRIST, I THINK I AM GOING TO HAVE AN ANERISM FROM ALL THE GREATNESS! I AM ALMOST AT FULL EXCITEMENT LEVEL, IT MAKES ME WANT TO RIP OFF MY GENITALS ITS SO EXCITING!   
  
Rebecca Romain Stamos runs in but gets decapitated  
  
OH MY LORD AND SAVOR OF DOOM, LOOK AT ALL THE BLOOD! AND ITS GREEEEEEEEN!!!!! HOLY VIRGIN MARY MOTHER OF GOD IN HELL, LOOK AT IT!!!!  
  
LL and Chris are startled by Rebecca's death, dispite the fact that they are in a game that involves baseball sized metal balls speeding around at breakneck speed and motorcycles wizzing about in a small arena filled with a handfull of people that look like they want to eat eachothers organs.  
  
OH MY GOD! LOOK AT THE WAY THEY ARE STANDING THERE AND LOOKING AT THE DEAD BODY OF THAT ONE GIRL WHO MARRIED THAT FULL HOUSE GUY, NO ACCOUNTING FOR HER TASTE I SUPPOSE BUT AT LEAST NOW SHE GOT WHAT WAS COMING TO HER! I MEAN, JUST LOOK AT ALL THIS BLOOD! THIS GAME RULES!  
  
After 45 minutes, it stops being green, LLCool J dies somehow.  
  
SWEET GLORIOUS SATAN, CAN YOU BELIEVE YOUR EYES? THE BLACK GUY DIED! THATS CRAZY! AFTER MAKING IT THROUGH DEEP BLUE SEA AND HALOWEEN H20 HE ACTUALLY DECIDES THAT DIEING IN A MOVIE IS NOT GONNA CRUSH HIS HARD CORE RAP IMAGE. BECAUSE AS WE ALL KNOW, THE ONLY THING YOU NEED TO GET AHEAD IN THE RAP INDUSTRY IS SPEAK POOR ENGLISH! WHOOOOOOOOOOO BLOOOOOOD!!!! HURRAY FOR RAP MUSIC!!!!  
  
LLCool J comes back, apparently not quite being completely dead.  
  
OH JIMMANY DEVIL! HE IS ALIVE, WOW, NOT SINCE ICE CUBE NEEDLESSLY LIVED THROUGH ANACONDA HAS SUCH A CRAZY EXAMPLE OF WHY RAPPERS GET PAID WAY TO DAMN MUCH THAT THEY CAN IMPACT WHEATHER THEIR CHARACTER DIES OR NOT EVEN IF IT CONTRADICTS THE NATURAL FLOW OF THE MOVIE! WHOOOOOOOOOOO BLOOD!!!!  
  
Chris Klein, runs away from the rink, and tries to get across the border of the country as if the team owner was a police officer and only had jurisdiction in that particular country.   
  
WOW, LOOK AT THAT HONKEY RUN! HE SURE IS BLEEDING THE SWEET SWEET BLOOD OF ROLLERBALL! I SURE HOPE THE ACTORS IN THIS MOVIE GOT WELL PAID. I KNOW I DID, BECAUSE IM THE CRAZY ANNOUNCER GUY WHO IS SO AMAZINGLY ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT A GAME THAT DOESNT MAKE SENSE, YEAH!!!!! WORSHIP ME AS YOUR LORD AND SAVOR!!! WAIT, NO... I MEAN WORSHIP ROLLERBALL!!!!!   
  
The french owner guy takes his airplane and Chris Klein is crushed under the tires as it lands atop him.  
  
OH JEE GOLLY CHRISTIES! HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ANYTHING SO CRAZY? WE HAVE NOW KILLED OFF THE ENTIRE CAST OF THE MOVIE EXCEPT FOR MYSELF AND THE FRENCH GUY! THIS MOVIE MUST BE ALMOST OVER!  
  
The French guy dies but the movie does not end.  
  
HOLY BEANS OF JAHOVAH! WHAT COULD WE FILL UP THE TIME WITH NOW? LETS WATCH SOME MORE ROLLERBALL GAMING! WE CAN NEVER GET ENOUGH OF THAT!  
  
The ring implodes, killing all the players in a grotesquly violent way  
  
SWEET SUCCUBUS OF DOOM, ALL THE BLOOOOOD! WOW!! THIS IS THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER! I DONT KNOW WHY THE MOVIE IS NOT OVER YET, BUT IT ISNT SO WE ARE GONNA KEEP WATCHING THE EXCITEMENT. OOOOH GOLLY THIS IS BETTER THAN PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING, ALTHOUGH BOTH ARE SO REALISTIC AND BOTH ARE SO WELL ENACTED. I THINK WHEN I GET DONE WATCHING THIS CRAZY BLOODY CARNAGE, I THINK I WILL GO WATCH SOME WRESTLING ON MTV OR TNN OR UPN OR TNT OR USA OR ANY OF THOSE OTHER CHANNELS THAT SHOW THAT NOT STUPID, NOT HORRIBLE, NOT JUVENILE, NOT A CONTRIBUTION TO WHY THE WORLD IS ALL SCREWED UP, TELEVISION SHOW. I LOVE THE ROCK BECAUSE HIS EYEBROW GOES UP AND HE PICKS PEOPLE UP AND THROWS THEM AND THEN SAYS SOME COOL CATCH PHRASE THAT HE MAKES MILLIONS ON IN MARKETING. WOW IM SURE GLAD THERE ARE SO MANY BRAIN DEAD IDIOTS WHO LOVE WATCHING POINTLESS VIOLENCE LIKE I DO! BECAUSE I THINK IT IS THE COOLEST! YAY FOR BLOOD!!!!!!!  
  
The announcer has a heart attack and he dies, and the movie ends. 


End file.
